Everybody has their own ideal type - someone who fits all their criteria.
I have someone like that too. My ideal type!
She's a woman my age. Beautiful, refined, and powerful. Someone who knows better than to quarrel over petty things. Someone who has everything, someone who does not want anything from me. My ideal type is weirdly idealistic.
She's gracious, more or less like a royal queen. But strong enough to take down the king anytime she wants!
My ideal type is someone so strong that I have to think twice about what I can even offer her. She doesn't demand anything. She has a few rules about what's the bare minimum her partner should have. Again a queen doesn't really need anything else if she's the strongest one out there.
I know this is an idealistic image of someone who might be rarer than the quantity of air inside a vacuum. I know it sounds like her from that particular piece of literature. You may be right, you may be wrong here. However what's important is this is the kind of woman I wish for...
My standard is so high that I do not see anything special in other beautiful women out there. People my age have made partners and parted ways, leaving an experience along with some good and some sad memories behind them.
But to me I'm still on the path of walking alone. Not because I don't want to - as I certainly get affected by these hormones, but because that image of my ideal type has weirdly been engraved onto my soul.
And as I desire someone on top of the world, I too have to become worthy of that once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to be their partner, right? That's what keeps me busy.
My goal is to reach that level where I'd be more than enough for them - when I look at them, when I meet my gaze with their beautiful jewel-like eyes!
To do that I need to become someone who's no longer, just another human. I need to become much more than just-ordinary in the way I live my life, I need to learn how to take care of the liberties before I go out to make a move on a literal queen out there.
I need to focus on my facial features, my physical features. I need to focus on improving my personality, to get better at handling situations - any kind of situations. I need to take care of all my insecurities beforehand. I need to make sure all my liabilities, including money and relations, are taken care of in a good way.
I need to make sure my family is content enough in life before I leave their life.
I need to learn how to be cruel, soft, kind, and trashy as the situation demands. I need to learn how to protect someone from even god-like-entities.
I need to get that strong. I need to conquer my mind, body, and heart at will. There are many things that need to be done. And all I have is around a decade. One decade before my young body becomes an adult in his thirties.
It's a hit-or-miss choice I've made.
Either I'll have a life partner who's my soulmate, or I’ll stay unmarried for the rest of my life.
My siblings are there to continue our bloodline. I'd rather focus on breaking my limits, one by one for the rest of my life, than get married to someone and ruin their life for eternity. I know I'll be a good human. But being good is not enough in this world. It never has been.
That's why I need to become shrewd, I need to become cold, calculative and while not losing my kind soul. I need to make fewer enemies and I need to crush those few that do exist, before they do something unchangeable.
I know I'll never be happy for the rest of my life. But that is what my inner nature is. It's to stay objective. I know that I'll never be unhappy for the rest of my life either!
And those around me - my loved ones, they're going to benefit from me all the same without returning anything back. I know for sure I'll face many deaths. I know I'll face betrayals within my own, just for material or abstract purposes. But it doesn't matter much to me as what I aim for does not include others' matters!
My war is within myself, and the sole thing I wish for - is to find myself a life partner with a like-minded mentality. The rest has already been provided to me.
All I need to do is ask the right questions - to get the right answers, at the right time.
It seems rare.
It certainly is rare.
But it's not impossible.
I'm here, Among these seven billion humans out there. Of course, there is a probability of her existing somewhere too.
And as I'm looking for my queen, there must be a woman looking for her king. Not prince or princess. But a King or a Queen!
Not the ones who were mere mortals who loved materialistic things and demanded from each other, or followed one or the other. But someone who has, a genuine relationship with each other. Who has enough wisdom to understand each other. Who has enough power to suppress or even kill each other. But who has enough understanding of each other that they become two bodies one soul. And these traits must go both ways!
I need to be what I expect, first!
Yes it indeed sounds too much like some fantasy novel. But nothing needs to be accurate here, word-to-word specially. It is not something mere words could tell here. It's weird, but that's what this stupid me wishes.
And to become that I clearly aim to be the King of my world. I do not desire money or fame though. But I sure am going to reach such a position where all those could come to me anytime as long as I desire.
Till then, I'll grow. I'll purify this soul. Again!
I feel like this has not been my first life aiming for this. And if needed, this won't be the last one either.
I have around eight decades before I die - if not sooner. So I expect them to find me soon. I expect myself to find them soon. If I can't - it'll be like one more life. one more try.
But it feels like this search - it has been my whole existence. It has been the jounrey of my soul, and again, it is going to continue, again.
There's is a really good chance, that all of these might be my mind making things up! Again. But alas, this blog's whole existence is to document that!
Whether all these are, a man's fantasy - or a legend in making... who knows!
I'll just have to go the path my heary desires, trusting my gut to help me go the right directions, as I look into the map made by the brain's critical thinking!
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