Hii, I’m Sokomon. Again, here to dump my internal dilemma.
Light and Shadow and Me!
I’m a guy with a good nature. Who always think good things for others. I don’t make enemies, for some reason. That also means there’s no spice in my life. As there’s no spice in my life, I am unaware of the survival tactics of those who live around me.
As for me, I’m what matters the most to myself. As for interacting with humans, I have two choices. Either be good to them. Or don't.
I've chosen the former as my inner personality, as it comes with the perks of not having to deal with the flaws of the latter one.
Shadow.
Everyone knows about a shadow personality, right?
If not, listen. Everyone has this hidden personality – that's the complete opposite side of what you show in the public.
I have one too. The thing is – I’ve given him 49% of my body. The rest of 49% belongs to the light(good one). And that 2% is mine, the intention. I control the intention.
The good guy, let’s call him light. He’s the one in control of my body. I let him do as he please, as It somehow benefit me all the same. My reputation as a good guy has been solid, thanks to light. He’s the one who makes me act innocent subconsciously, while I have these kinds of thoughts. And as he helps me keep myself in check, he has the body.
Then comes this guy, The Shadow. He, too has 49% of my body. My thoughts. The sole thing that keeps him hidden is because of the fact that my 2% (intention) rides with light for now.
Let me tell you more about this guy.
Shadow is the complete opposite to light. And when I say completely opposite, I mean it. He’s evil. He has this I don’t give a fk attitude. And he’s evil. Like, really evil. Light does not allow me to write down those exact words I have in my mind right now. He’s that evil.
If I were writing down a fantasy novel, I’d have made him the perfect villain. Not a scumbag. A villain whom you wouldn’t wanna mess with.
The only reason I’m not describing the thoughts is that, what I’m writing right now leaves a digital footprint which can be easily traced back by the authorities. And as light does not really hide things, both good and bad. (Even these thoughts, weirdly beneficial for me, are mine and not mine at the same time.)
Shadow helps me supplement what light lacks. And light helps me keep shadow in my shadows.
So, the thing is – shadow keeps having these not-so-good thoughts, and it’s been like this since he reached adolescence age, which happened around a decade ago, well, more than a decade ago.
I let him have whatever he’s imagining. The only reason is that’s limited within my mind. Nothing else. No one knows. And no one will ever know. Light keeps my behaviour in check. My intentions are what command everything that happens.
However, the shadow keeps asking for freedom. It’s been like that since the beginning.
To shadow, what I do is good. As he is me. He knows me, as I know him. I give him space and let him have these things(?) that he likes, he gives me the control and the ability to adapt to this weirdly stubbornly evil world. It’s a mutually beneficial role between my personalities.
Light is a pushover – but he’s what I need the most in this fked up world. I need his ignorance and goodwill towards others, and I need Shadow’s quick-witted thinking and his doubtful wisdom. I need them if I were to go up in this world while staying true to myself.
I can’t choose one and neglect the other. I know of many good-natured humans who were fked badly by society. I know of many evil-nature humans who lived a lonely life or died worthlessly. That’s why I need them, as much as they need me.
As for Shadow's request, I'm thinking about something.
I’m thinking, in future, when I have solved this problem of money around me. I’ll create an environment and let the people around me know of the situation in a not-so-weird way, and give Shadow a month. A month of 1% freedom. With the condition of not doing something, illegal or unethical. As long as he abides by these two conditions, I’m letting him free. I’ll give him 50% of my life, I’ll give him freedom and observe just what I am on that side of the world.
I can vividly imagine the look on the people around me. It’ll be a surprise in the early days, but I wonder how it’ll turn around by the end of the month. I’m assuming some will stay, although awkwardly, and some will leave, clearly.
Both scenarios are acceptable. As for me - my contracts matter more than me fitting in with humans playing pretend.
As long as I abide by my convictions made with my 2% self, I’m good, anywhere.
{The Shadow or Light mentioned here is me personifying the duality of my human self. It does not mean I have a split personality, or I talk with myself or something like that. I'd consider myself normally boringly ordinary in every way possible. On the outside, that is.
However, it is true that these are the thoughts that go around the human who looks innocent from the outside, and has never received any sort of complaint from anyone else.}
******
So, these were my internal thoughts I had within the span of two mere days. Of-course they had been seeding in my mind since a long long time now. And now that I have a platform to dump all of them. It’s easier to manage all these.
[AGAIN, NOTICE THAT THESE THOUGHT ARE PURELY INNOCENT! EVERYBODY HAVE THOUGHTS! I JUST CHOSE TO NOT HIDE THEM!]
[AS MY MAIN GOAL IS TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF!]
* I always end up, trying to make myself clear before finishing something. This is a bad habit of mine. I need to consider this one.
Comments
Post a Comment